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Pansy

by Plant Dad

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more. Paying supporters also get unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app.
    Purchasable with gift card

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  • Pansy Cassette
    Cassette + Digital Album

    Individually-recorded, direct-to-tape cassettes. They have pink shells, hand-written liner notes, and variant hand-drawn plant portraits. They include a small fact-sheet about the plant on the cover. There are 28 available.

    It is not sold out! Go here to buy one:
    morganpotts.com/pansy-ep-cassette/

    Includes unlimited streaming of Pansy via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    Sold Out

1.
I was raped by a champagne socialist obsessed with the Russian Revolution Card-carrying member of the SWP The real struggle's class and deflecting the allegations of teen sluts Our university ignored me because he was older and rich Our friends knew he was seedy but they wouldn't believe he was bad Mark Sleboda you're disgusting Mark Sleboda you're disgusting Mark Sleboda you're disgusting Mark Sleboda you're disgusting I didn't have the words at the time for "rape apologists" But I do now Rot in hell
2.
But Why 01:56
If I married for love it'd be to you If I was a wife then I'd be yours If I was monogamous it would be with you But why would I do that Why would I do that Why would I do that Why would I do that If I shared my living space it would be with you If I was a half you'd be my other half If I had children they'd be yours But why would I do that Why would I do that Why would I do that Why would I do that If I gave myself to anyone it would be you If I changed myself it would be for you But why would I do that Why would I do that Why would I do that Why would I do that
3.
Is it normal to pick on your brother? Is it normal to gaslight your brother? I had no model for masculine affection I was fiercely protective but would torture him myself I called him names like "maggot" and "weasel" Lied to him and kept him confused Just because I was bored If every anyone else said so much as a harsh word I defended him I guess I thought that absolved my abuse but it probably made it worse I thought it was normal We didn't have a dad I was playing the dad I thought it was normal When we got older I stopped He grew bigger than me And he'd punch me I never fought back I deserved worse I deserve worse
4.
I'll never be well-hung or 5'10" tall Maybe I'll go bald and my personality will be replaced by pure machismo One thing's for certain, I'm fated to be ugly They'll only fuck me as a fetish I've always been a gay boy with daddy issues Sex is the one place I don't pass so I'll Settle for being a submissive little girl to Unimaginative dominant straight men A needy post-graduate in drag
5.
I was afraid of dying at school Moments of silence became common And you expected us to focus on bullshit standardized tests Emily was a hostage She was sexually assaulted And then shot in the head by a man who walked into her school with a gun I knew her, we were both 16 year old girls I'm afraid to go back to America But we need an armed queer militia So I'll go if you'll come with me
6.
You are the gay techno-anarchist future Knowing you gives me hope You're so clever, you're so nice, you're funny You're even funnier when you're sad I love you more than you love me But I don't care, I just want you happy You do too much for everyone else around you So it's only fair that I do too much for you But tell me what's the difference between abandonment And performative abandonment? I love you more than you love me But I don't care, I just want you happy Everything that I said to you was true In those desperate hand-written love letters But don't worry baby, I won't stalk you, I won't slander you I don't have a bad word to say about you or your boyfriends I love you more than you love me But I don't care, I just want you happy I've lost my house, my truck, my wife, and my dog But what's a cowboy without self-aggrandized suffering Maybe tomorrow we can look at each other without seeing Trauma mirrored in our eyes I love you more than you love me But I don't care, I just want you happy I love you more than you love you Oh baby, please let yourself be happy You treat me like I am disposable I want to protect you but how can I protect you from me? Let me be your dog Let me be your dog Let me make up for the bad things in your past
7.
Too Intense 02:38
I want to be near you I want to hold your hand I want to stroke your hair I want to kiss your cheeks Is this too intense? Is this too intense? I want to wash your body I want to watch you dream I want to validate your choices I want to know your traumas and facilitate their undoing Is this too intense? Is this too intense? I want to store your memories I want to taste your spit I want to be just like you I want to cancel my life and spend it with you instead Is this too intense? Is this too intense? I want your attention I want your constant attention I want to shower you with affection I need your constant attention Please, please please please please notice me Is this too intense? Is this too intense? Is this too intense?
8.

about

Queer songs about trauma and gender and love and ugliness, written during a spring of heartbreak and homelessness.

The digital version is free, or pay-whatever.

15% of the profits of this EP will be donated to Action For Trans Health.

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There are 28 cassette tapes of this EP. Each cassette was recorded direct-to-tape in Morgan’s bedroom in southeast London, so each one is unique (for better or for worse). The artwork for each tape is a different hand-drawn plant portrait.

Side A: Jaunty, creepy songs about feelings. Some are on a 90s synth, some on a borrowed acoustic guitar. At the end of Side A is a different cover song on each tape.

Side B: Solo improvised cello noise. The cello can be beautiful, but it can also howl with anguish like ghosts punishing both player and listener. Each tape is different but you can expect to hear sensual aimlessness, wind, textures, errors, aching, confusion, resignation, and menace.

The tapes are priced on an experimental pay-what-you-want model: one tape for £1, one for £2, one for £3, and so on up to £28. £28 is a lot for a cassette tape but it will "subsidize" the low cost tapes, shipping costs, and my work as a musician and artist. To buy a tape, go here: morganholleb.com/pansy-ep-cassette/

credits

released October 27, 2017

Songs, instrumentation, recording, and artwork by Morgan Holleb; the fault lies with him alone.

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Plant Dad Glasgow, UK

Sad queer boy bedroom music by Morgan Lev Edward Holleb.

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