1. |
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I was raped by a champagne socialist obsessed with the Russian Revolution
Card-carrying member of the SWP
The real struggle's class and deflecting the allegations of teen sluts
Our university ignored me because he was older and rich
Our friends knew he was seedy but they wouldn't believe he was bad
Mark Sleboda you're disgusting
Mark Sleboda you're disgusting
Mark Sleboda you're disgusting
Mark Sleboda you're disgusting
I didn't have the words at the time for "rape apologists"
But I do now
Rot in hell
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2. |
But Why
01:56
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If I married for love it'd be to you
If I was a wife then I'd be yours
If I was monogamous it would be with you
But why would I do that
Why would I do that
Why would I do that
Why would I do that
If I shared my living space it would be with you
If I was a half you'd be my other half
If I had children they'd be yours
But why would I do that
Why would I do that
Why would I do that
Why would I do that
If I gave myself to anyone it would be you
If I changed myself it would be for you
But why would I do that
Why would I do that
Why would I do that
Why would I do that
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3. |
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Is it normal to pick on your brother?
Is it normal to gaslight your brother?
I had no model for masculine affection
I was fiercely protective but would torture him myself
I called him names like "maggot" and "weasel"
Lied to him and kept him confused
Just because I was bored
If every anyone else said so much as a harsh word
I defended him
I guess I thought that absolved my abuse but it probably made it worse
I thought it was normal
We didn't have a dad
I was playing the dad
I thought it was normal
When we got older I stopped
He grew bigger than me
And he'd punch me
I never fought back
I deserved worse
I deserve worse
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4. |
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I'll never be well-hung or 5'10" tall
Maybe I'll go bald and my personality will be replaced by pure machismo
One thing's for certain, I'm fated to be ugly
They'll only fuck me as a fetish
I've always been a gay boy with daddy issues
Sex is the one place I don't pass so I'll
Settle for being a submissive little girl to
Unimaginative dominant straight men
A needy post-graduate in drag
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5. |
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I was afraid of dying at school
Moments of silence became common
And you expected us to focus on bullshit standardized tests
Emily was a hostage
She was sexually assaulted
And then shot in the head by a man who walked into her school with a gun
I knew her, we were both 16 year old girls
I'm afraid to go back to America
But we need an armed queer militia
So I'll go if you'll come with me
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6. |
The Cowboy Song
03:41
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You are the gay techno-anarchist future
Knowing you gives me hope
You're so clever, you're so nice, you're funny
You're even funnier when you're sad
I love you more than you love me
But I don't care, I just want you happy
You do too much for everyone else around you
So it's only fair that I do too much for you
But tell me what's the difference between abandonment
And performative abandonment?
I love you more than you love me
But I don't care, I just want you happy
Everything that I said to you was true
In those desperate hand-written love letters
But don't worry baby, I won't stalk you, I won't slander you
I don't have a bad word to say about you or your boyfriends
I love you more than you love me
But I don't care, I just want you happy
I've lost my house, my truck, my wife, and my dog
But what's a cowboy without self-aggrandized suffering
Maybe tomorrow we can look at each other without seeing
Trauma mirrored in our eyes
I love you more than you love me
But I don't care, I just want you happy
I love you more than you love you
Oh baby, please let yourself be happy
You treat me like I am disposable
I want to protect you but how can I protect you from me?
Let me be your dog
Let me be your dog
Let me make up for the bad things in your past
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7. |
Too Intense
02:38
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I want to be near you
I want to hold your hand
I want to stroke your hair
I want to kiss your cheeks
Is this too intense?
Is this too intense?
I want to wash your body
I want to watch you dream
I want to validate your choices
I want to know your traumas and facilitate their undoing
Is this too intense?
Is this too intense?
I want to store your memories
I want to taste your spit
I want to be just like you
I want to cancel my life and spend it with you instead
Is this too intense?
Is this too intense?
I want your attention
I want your constant attention
I want to shower you with affection
I need your constant attention
Please, please please please please notice me
Is this too intense?
Is this too intense?
Is this too intense?
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8. |
Plant Dad Glasgow, UK
Sad queer boy bedroom music by Morgan Lev Edward Holleb.
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